The Brain in Love

Steve and Harriet

I had the opportunity to hear Dr. Fisher speak at the UT-Dallas Center for Brain Health 2010 lecture series. She and her colleagues studied hundreds of men and women in love either for a short time or for a long time, and recently rejected, and detected significant brain activity associated with being in love.

Dr. Helen Fisher

She began with observations from other studies:

1.    There are no gender differences in passion. It can occur at any age and apply to both heterosexuals and homosexuals.

2.    Men fall faster and are more intimate. They are 2 ½ times more likely to kill themselves after a relationship ends than women and are more likely to remarry.

3.    Women are equally as sexual as men.

4.    Love can occur at any age. Participants over 45 years of age were just as likely to be in love as those less than 25 years of age.

She identified three primary biological drives that evolved for mating and reproduction of the human species: sex drive, romantic love and attachment. The sex drive, associated with testosterone, is what motivates a human to look for a mate. Romantic love is associated with dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin, which cause a human to focus on one individual. Attachment which causes people to stay together long enough to raise a family is associated with oxytocin and vasopressin.

Brain Activity from an MRI of a Person Viewing His/Her Partner

Dr. Fisher's latest book, Why Him? Why Her?, addresses her findings based on her work with Chemistry.com. She developed a questionnaire that is completed by people who want to have the website identify dating candidates for them, different from a site such as match.com where members themselves search for potential dating candidates.

Based on her findings, she developed four primary personality types that determine what personalities are attracted to others.. The Explorer loves new things. She is open minded, curious, flexible, risk-taking, energetic, and optimistic and can be reckless, unpredictable, and opportunistic. Her favorite word - Adventure. Examples include President Obama and Angeline Jolie.

Frank and Judy

The Builder/guardian is traditional, dependable, patient, organized, cautious, community-minded, calm, social, managerial, dutiful, respectful of authority, good with numbers and usually the most religious of the four types. She can also be moralistic and rigid. Her favorite word - Family (followed closely by Loyalty). Examples include Colin Powell and George Washington.

Karla and George

The Director understands rule-based systems, is analytical, pragmatic, tough-minded, competitive, not emotionally expressive, and usually good at music or engineering. She can also be less empathetic, impatient, aloof, not intuitive, have poor verbal skills and is the least spiritual of the personality types. Her favorite word - Intelligence. Examples include John McCain and Hillary Clinton.

The Negotiator sees the big picture. She is imaginative, linguistic, empathic, altruistic, agreeable, trusting and mentally flexible and has great social skills.  She can also be indecisive, gullible, effusive, nosy and placating. Her favorite word - Passion. Examples include Bill Clinton, Oprah Winfrey and Charles Darwin.

Tamara and Mark

Based on her study of over 5 million participants, Dr. Fisher found that explorers generally are drawn to other explorers and builders to other builders. But, directors are attracted to negotiators and negotiators to directors.

What else matters? She acknowledged that other factors dictate who chooses whom. Looks, voice (accent) and values or goals are also important to choosing a life mate.

She also said that to keep a relationship strong, focus on the three love drives. To keep romance alive, do new and different things, have sex more often, and to grow attachment, hold hands more and be close to each other.

The good news is that we can all fall in love and it can last a long time.

Hagan and Alicia

To learn more about Dr. Fisher, go to www.helenfisher.com. If you want to learn your personality type, go to www.whyhimwhyher.com. You do not have to register for Chiemistry.com or be single to complete the questionnaire.  I did it and found that I'm a negotiator / builder.

Video of Dr. Fisher: