Decisions

For me it is agony and yet after a wonderful life, the result of many a difficult decision making crisis, surely I should know better.

I should have learned that it is not the decision, but how I live by that decision and I how let it shape my life. As it happens I am an optimist, you would think that would help! The most important thing to remember in the process is that there are always more than two choices.

My friend, Judy, suggested last year that we follow up on my lifelong dream of moving back to France, and make it a reality. And in September we set off for 'la Belle France. Judy lived in France in the fifties, and I had lived and worked there in the seventies so we were both comfortable traveling through Southwestern France, visiting friends, discovering wonderful B&Bs, eating and laughing, as we searched different areas in our quest. As we drove up the hill out of Albi I told Judy that this was the area I was looking for. The castles, the churches, the pretty slate roofed hilltop towns, the history, the local markets and restaurants with their wonderful fresh foods and wines and of course the abundance of foie gras- all these good things seduced me.

How fortunate we were. The Force was with us. We found, in the picturesque village of Najac, a beautiful old house of great character that was built beneath the 11th century castle, probably with the old castle stones. Bingo!

I wanted to return to see the house in the bleakness of winter. Christmas, the owner told me that although he had another buyer, he would accept my offer. I had had the time to reflect on the house,to imagine myself living there, how I would run a B&B in the tourist months of July and August, have a stream of friends to visit at other times and how I would squeeze in my family for Christmas celebrations. I wanted that house. I returned to France. The seller greeted me at Toulouse airport with the news that I would have to pay another 6 1/2%! Not good news, but I saw the house again and even after realizing that I hit my head every time I descended the stairs, it was still beautiful and I wanted it.

I made my offer, it was accepted. The next day the seller reneged.

I decided to stay and find another house to buy.

It is a good time to buy.

Buy it now and I could be well into the experience of living in France by this time next year.

I stayed in Najac at a wonderful B&B where I felt more friend than paying guest. My hosts made me feel warm, secure and comfortable. They even invited two friends to lunch, as encouragement for a better understanding of the area. I was ready to start searching again.

There are so many quaint villages and ancient Abbeys nestled in this stunning expanse of idyllic countryside. Just when I was giving up, lunch at a local restaurant and a glass of delicious local wine put me back on track. I traveled 2000 kilometers, met up with friends whom I hadn't seen in 30 years, and made new acquaintances. My wobbly French became more dependable, when on your own you have to make yourself understood! At a dinner party I kept asking a gentleman who insisted that he was le grandpere de Louise what I should call him, only to realize that he was saying his name was Robert de L' Oise......keep your sense of humor when traveling although you may only share it with yourself!

I eventually narrowed down my search to two houses. One near Najac and one in Faugeres in the Languedoc.

While the one near Najac offered great possibilities, it was well off the beaten track and could have proved lonely. Although I would have kept busy creating a garden here, a garden that had endless possibilities for expansion and a pretty pool overlooking the lush, countryside, I wondered if after Dallas I could manage that lushness .

The house in Faugeres in L'Herault was close to the mountains and the Med, but tightly enclosed in a small village with narrow roads and little parking. The house was full of sunlight, the pretty garden area was ready for my touch. It felt right immediately I walked in.

Better still it was ready to be lived in.

Both houses needed an extra bathroom. The French are generally not too concerned about bathrooms en suite but I knew that with Americans and English coming to visit I would need more than one bathroom for four bedrooms.

I had options.

After all this I could not buy.

I went back and forth on the decision. I spent sleepless nights,

I confused my friends. I was in agony

I found to my shame that this decision was more than I could take at one bite.

Then I realized that I should listen to myself.

I turned down the house.

A wave of relief swept over me.

Now I am gathering together my experiences and preparing to move forward a wiser and a more prepared buyer. Still searching and with a future adventure about to unfold.